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Time to get rid of the old members ...

Erstellt von The Mad Hatter, 17.05.2004, 22:51 Uhr · 0 Antworten · 458 Aufrufe

  1. #1
    Benutzerbild von The Mad Hatter

    Registriert seit
    Dear Member:

    As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for board areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of members. Under this plan, older members will be asked to take early banishment, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older members by the end of the current fiscal year, via banishment, will be placed into effect immediately.

    This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Members who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for boards outside of this board. SLAPPED members can request a review of their posts before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

    SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All members who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper moderators.

    This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

    Under the terms of the new policy, a member may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the board deems appropriate.

    If a member follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

    As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any member who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the board.

    Moderators wish to assure the younger members who remain on the board will continue its policy of training members through our:

    Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our members receive. We have given our members more SHIT than any board in this area. If any member feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the board, see your immediate moderator.

    Your moderator is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand. And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyalty with us.



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